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Building good relationships with classmates

Relationships in the classroom are a central part of students' development and learning. Research shows that a positive social environment affects not only wellbeing but also motivation, engagement and school performance. Developing good relationships is therefore an important skill that can be trained.

Social cognitive theory – understanding yourself and others​

According to social cognitive theory (Bandura), people's behaviour is shaped in the interplay between the individual, behaviour and environment. In the classroom, this means that:

  • students learn how to be a good friend by observing others
  • they are influenced by the norms and expectations in the group
  • they develop belief in their own social ability (self-efficacy)

How students interpret social situations affects how they act. A student who perceives others as well-meaning usually acts more openly and prosocially than a student who interprets situations as rejecting.

Social cognition and "theory of mind"​

Social cognition is about how we perceive, interpret and understand other people. A central part is theory of mind – the ability to understand that others have their own thoughts, feelings and perspectives.

In practice, this means that students need to be able to:

  • interpret others' signals (e.g. body language and tone of voice)
  • understand that different people can experience the same situation differently
  • adapt their behaviour to the context

This ability is crucial for building functioning relationships and avoiding misunderstandings.

Prosocial behaviour – contributing to the group's wellbeing​

Research on prosocial behaviour (e.g. Eisenberg) shows that actions such as helping, including and showing consideration strengthen relationships and the group climate.

In classrooms, this is about small but significant actions:

  • inviting someone to join in
  • collaborating and helping out
  • showing respect in everyday situations

These behaviours create a positive spiral in which kindness tends to reinforce more kindness.

The metaphor of the garden – a relational perspective​

The metaphor of the garden reflects an important research-based perspective:

  • Relationships require continuous care – just like plants
  • Different relationships fulfil different functions
  • Every individual contributes to the whole

A well-functioning class environment is not built on everyone being close friends, but on all relationships being characterised by respect and basic consideration.

Variation in relationships – normal and functional​

Research shows that it is natural for students to have different kinds of relationships:

  • close friendships
  • working relationships
  • more superficial social contacts

What matters is not that all relationships are equally strong, but that students can navigate them in a functioning way. A safe class is characterised by even the weaker relationships being marked by respect and inclusion.

Group climate and belonging​

The sense of belonging is a central factor for both wellbeing and learning. When students feel accepted:

  • their participation and engagement increase
  • social worry and stress decrease
  • their academic results improve

A positive group climate is created through shared norms where inclusion and respect are highly valued.

Relationships as a trainable ability​

Relational skills are not solely a matter of personality – they can be developed. Research shows that students can practise:

  • interpreting social situations in a more nuanced way
  • communicating more clearly and respectfully
  • showing empathy and perspective-taking
  • handling conflicts in constructive ways

These are central parts of social and emotional learning (SEL).

Implications for teaching​

For teachers, this means that students may need support in:

  • understanding how their behaviour affects others
  • developing the ability to take others' perspectives
  • practising concrete prosocial actions
  • creating and maintaining inclusive norms in the class
  • seeing the value of different kinds of relationships

The teacher also plays an important role as a model for how to treat others. The focus is on developing social understanding, empathy and concrete strategies for contributing to an inclusive classroom climate.