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Building good relationships with teachers

The relationship between teacher and student is one of the most significant factors in students' learning and wellbeing at school. Research shows that when the relationship works well, the classroom becomes a place where students feel safe, which in turn makes them dare to participate, ask questions and keep trying even when something is difficult. In this way, the relationship becomes important not only for how students feel but also for how they learn.

A central perspective for understanding this is attachment theory. In a school context, this means that the teacher can act as a kind of secure base. When students experience that the teacher is predictable, fair and wants what is best for them, uncertainty and worry decrease. This allows the student to direct more energy towards learning itself instead of dwelling on social risks, such as making mistakes or being judged.

At the same time, Self-Determination Theory shows that relationships are an important part of motivation. One of a person's basic psychological needs is relatedness – feeling seen and significant. When students experience that the teacher cares about them and notices their effort, their willingness to engage increases. Motivation then becomes not just something that comes "from within", but something that grows in the interplay with the teacher.

Research within relational pedagogy also emphasises that learning happens in relationships. It is not just about the content of the teaching, but about how communication works. A student who feels listened to and understood finds it easier to take in instructions and feedback. If the relationship falters, however, even a well-planned lesson can become harder to take in.

At the same time, it is important to highlight that the relationship is an interplay. According to social cognitive theory, relationships are shaped by how people interpret and react to one another. Even though the teacher bears the greatest responsibility, the student's behaviour plays a role in how the collaboration develops. Students influence the relationship through how they:

  • listen and pay attention
  • ask questions when something is unclear
  • express themselves in the classroom
  • show respect in different situations

These actions in turn affect how the teacher can respond to the student, which creates a mutual process.

The metaphor of the sailing boat – relationship as interplay​

The metaphor of the sailing boat can be understood in the light of this research.

The teacher can be seen as the wind – the one who provides support, direction and energy in learning. The student is the boat, which needs to be able to receive that help. For the boat to move forward, the student needs to "raise the sail", that is:

  • listen
  • collaborate
  • accept help
  • dare to try

If the sail is not raised, it matters little how much the wind blows – the boat stays still all the same. In the same way, it is not enough for the teacher to offer support if the student does not take part in the interplay.

At the same time, it is important to clarify the direction of the metaphor: the wind does not blow to capsize the boat, but to help it forward. In the research, this corresponds to students needing to understand that the teacher's demands, feedback and structure are meant to support their development – even when it feels challenging.

An asymmetric but mutual relationship​

The relationship between teacher and student is not equal in terms of responsibility. The teacher has a professional responsibility to lead the teaching, create structure and build relationships. But the student is not passive, and needs to gradually develop the skills to be able to take part in the collaboration.

This is about:

  • daring to ask for help
  • trying again when something is difficult
  • receiving and using feedback

Research shows that these skills are not always self-evident, but something students need support to develop.

Relationships as something you can train​

An important conclusion from the research is that relationships do not just "happen", but can be influenced and developed. Students can learn to:

  • interpret the teacher's actions in a more nuanced way
  • understand their own role in the interplay
  • act in ways that strengthen the collaboration

When this happens, both wellbeing and learning often improve. The class becomes an environment where more students dare to participate, and the teaching has a greater impact.

Educational significance​

For teachers, this means that relational work needs to be seen as part of the teaching, not as something on the side. At the same time, it can be valuable to make visible to students how the relationship works as an interplay, in which their own actions play a role.